Ever just feel like you’re in a rut? Like your life is so overwhelmingly busy that you and your husband never even see each other let alone have time to focus on each other?

That’s us right now.  We’re less than a month out from our move (where we’re buying and selling a house in the same weekend). We’re living out of boxes, my husband’s working a million hours, I’m home with a toddler, a blog, sometimes an infant, and searching for ways to make money in the meantime.

Whenever life starts to get too busy all of the lessons we’ve learned about how to love one another go by the wayside (along with our communication skills) and the nitpicking or bickering begins. Luckily we’ve gotten pretty good about identifying when we’re acting like irrational children and need a refresh.

Our go-to marriage refresher? DATE NIGHT.  I know what you’re thinking, who has time for that, right?  Apparently this guy did. And you do too, if you make it a priority. Give up watching a baseball game on TV and play a game together.  Send your toddler to their room with candy and an iPad (yup, one night won’t kill them) or to grandma’s house to be spoiled. Even just grab a cup of coffee somewhere before work in the morning. You can do itif you want to.

My husband took the initiative to plan, get the tickets to, and schedule a babysitter so that we could attend a married couple date night, Caliente, through our church last night. Now if you’re semi-local (South FL) and you’ve never been to a Christ Fellowship event, you’re missing out. They seriously go all out just for Sunday service, so imagine what it’s like on an event night. Not only did they have food trucks, free bins of water, picnic tables, and lights strung in the parking lot prior to the doors opening, but when the show started there was live music, and on-stage games.

After all of the eating, music, and games, the headliner Ted Cunningham hit the stage guns blazing.

First topic on deck: Sex. In church. With a bunch of Christians.

Ok, woah! That sounds bad. I mean he was in church with a bunch of Christians and then he TALKED about sex. Now back to your regularly scheduled program

He used comedy to hit the nail on the head with every single statement tonight. My husband and I were laughing our heads off (and pointing fingers at each other saying “that’s totally you”) throughout the entire performance. And even though it was a lot of fun, the underlying message wasn’t just fun and games. 

My take aways from tonight:

Sex isn’t bad.

We need to start talking about intimacy and sex in the church, with our church friends, and with our kids. I’m not saying run out and tell your friends about that thing your husband did last night. But we need to stop making our kids + other Christians feel ashamed to talk about sex within the safety net of their moral friends or family members. Because if we can’t talk about it in a safe space of saved people, then we’re left with worldly advice and ideas about sex.

Moving on…

Ok, wait. One more thing about sex – “Men are like a microwave and women are like slow cookers”. If you’re a man reading this, ask your wife what it means.

We need to eradicate the child-centered home.

This is so true in our household and totally my fault (most of the time).  My husband works a lot of hours and I’m a SAHM, so my little one and I are together all of the time. Which is awesome, but also makes it really easy for her to become my number one focus and priority. What the heck am I going to do when she leaves? Because as Ted so nicely pointed out Hebrews says that my child is going to leave me and become one with her husband. So basically when she’s gone, all I’ve got is my husband – and he needs to be my priority. Fathers of little girls should also be telling all the daughters of the world that there’s only ONE QUEEN in the house. So excuse me while I adjust my crown. 

Bring joy back into your marriage. 

Ted quotes Ecclesiastes 9:9 – “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of your meaningless life that God has given you under the sun”. Which kind of goes back to my second point about making my husband a priority.  But also reminds me of my number one goal when Javi and I started our marriage group at church a few months ago, which was to eliminate all of the mess in our life that was keeping us from enjoying life together like we used to when we were first dating. Ted said, “Enjoying life in marriage is a decision not an outcome”. And I couldn’t agree more.

So today, and every day, I’m deciding to love my husband, put him first, keep our marriage bed pure, and enjoy every dang second I get with him.

___________________

 

Interested in attending an event like this?  It was hosted by Christ Fellowship. You can connect with their newly launched instagram for married couples here. And as if you needed more convincing to check it out – I forgot to mention the chocolate brownies with all the fixings + ice cream they served after!

 

 

_________________________

Interested in learning more about the headliner of our event tonight, Ted Cunningham? You can find his church on Facebook and his date night comedy tour on Instagram.  He is also the author of:  fun loving youenjoying your marriage in the midst of the grind.

I’ll be working through this book this week and look forward to sharing a review with you all when I’m finished. Make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss out!

 

With grace, Bree

 

** Disclaimer: I chose to highlight in this post things he shared that are relevant to my life currently & real life discussions that I've had with my husband, friends, or life group pretty recently. This is in no way EVERYTHING he shared tonight or what he feels the purpose of his message was. Unless it's in quotes, I'm paraphrasing + adding my opinions about it. So no angry e-mails to Ted or Christ Fellowship if you don't like what I've said here, got it?**
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8 thoughts on “How to refresh your marriage with cheesesteaks + brownies: A night out with Ted Cunningham.”

  1. Great recap of your event! As i am reading I see Frank & I. This morning at 7:15 am, we were going back and forth how he thought I had ‘taken’ his pillow, the one I have been sleeping with the entire week! Funny how the stupid stuff is what we argue about!

    1. It’s always the stupid things that we fight about too. It’s funny (and sad) how those little things can turn into a big fight where we’re not talking for a few days! lol

  2. This seems like such an empowering event! And what a good reminder to refocus a child-centered home. It’s so difficult and much easier said than done (trust me, totally understand since I’m a single mama and I work from home, so my two are with me whenever they aren’t in school!) but it’s an important reminder for parents. Great lesson!

  3. You raised some very good points in your post. I completely agree that sex and intimacy should not be taboo in the church, and even though we love our children and often put them first, they will grow and have their own lives, and we should have ours too.
    Great read!

    1. Thanks for sharing! Putting my husband before my daughter is always so hard. I’m often saying, “but she’s too little to be second”. But just like we have to submit to God first, we have to place our husbands first. Our relationship is what our kids will mirror.

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